Masters of the Universe
Before Chris Evens (Fantastic Four), before Ryan Reynolds (Green Lantern) there was Dolph Lundgren: cast in several toy/comic properties that didn’t quite pan out. While Evens and Reynolds eventually found their characters in Captain America and Deadpool respectively, things never worked out for Lundgren, who starred in toy/comic movies before studios knew what to do with them. I’ve written before about Lundgren’s turn as the Punisher, Frank Castle. Today I want to talk about the toy/comic movie that predates The Punisher by a few years: the 1987 live-action Masters of the Universe, starring Lundgren as He-Man.
There’s a telling part in that last sentence, and if you’re up on your Masters of the Universe lore you picked up on it. Lundgren does not star as Prince Adam, He-Man’s alter ego. Much like The Punisher eschews Castle’s traditional skull shirt, Masters of the Universe cuts out a lot of backstory. Like a lot, a lot. There’s no Prince Adam, no Battle-Cat, no Orko, no Rock People. No “By the power of Grayskull.” Notable characters from the toy line/TV show were cut when Mattel didn’t want their characters to die in the movie.
In a small mercy [SPOILER ALERT FOR A 28-YEAR-OLD FILM] He-Man does say “I have the power.” So there’s that.
The movie starts off strong and is pretty good when focused on the main characters. On Planet Eternia, Skeletor (Frank Langella) has taken over Castle Grayskull and is holding the Sorceress (Christina Pickles) hostage. He-Man and his comrades, Master-at-Arms (Jon Cypher) and Teela (Chelsea Field) are trying to figure out how Skeletor was able to capture the castle when they run into Gwildor (Billy Barty) and discover the truth. Skeletor stole Gwildor’s Cosmic Key, a universal skeleton key if you will, and used it to teleport his army inside Castle Grayskull. (Thank you; I’ll see myself out.)
The attempt to retake Castle Grayskull doesn’t go well, and He-Man and company are forced to use the second Cosmic Key to escape. They end up on Earth, where they must retrieve the Key from local keyboard player Kevin (Star Trek’s Robert Duncan McNeil) and his girlfriend Julie (Cougar Town’s Courtney Cox). To retrieve the Key and return to Eternia they must first outwit Skeletor’s henchman. Then it’s just a matter of returning to Eternia and battling Skeletor for the fate of the universe. Easy, right?
The main cast is the chief reason you should watch this movie. Lundgren, Langella, Cypher, Field, and Meg Foster as Evil-Lyn all nail their characters, especially Langella. He’s said in several interviews that Skeletor was one of his favorite roles and it’s easy to see why. Movie Skeletor could have been a bumbling, wise-cracking fool, similar to his portrayal in the TV show (and on Twitter). Langella’s Skelator is more than that. He’s menacing and evil, chewing every line and spitting it in the faces of his enemies. With the pale-eyed villaness Evil-Lyn by his side, Langella nails his role. Thick accent aside, Lundgren is just as good as He-Man. His chiseled physique would make Chris Hemsworth jealous, and in his first starring role as a good guy, Lundgren showcases a wide-eyes naiveté I didn’t think was possible for the man who played Ivan Drago.
Where the movie gets bogged down is in its supporting cast. As the local yokels, McNeil and Cox are the weak links. The whole going-to-Earth plot seems shoehorned into the movie by a studio exec who wants the movie to be more relatable to the kids. (McNeil’s character mistakes the Cosmic Key for “one of those Japanese synthesizers,” because, you know, Eighties). Skelator’s Boba Fett rejects are forgettable, and run around failing for most of the movie. And Gwildor? This proto-Jar Jar Binks is partly to blame for the film’s uneven tone. Barty’s acting talents have a tough time shining through all his prosthetic makeup (a problem common to the heavily makeup characters), and Gwildor also seemed shoehorned in for the kids. I get that the movie was based on a bunch of toys and 1987 is many years away from when people started to take comic-book movies seriously. That said, jumping from serious to slapstick in an instant doesn’t do the film any favors.
Let’s face it: being based on a line of toys, Masters of the Universe was never going to be a classic. Running through this list, I think Clue is the exception that proves the rule: movies based on toys, board games, or trading cards are usually (and in the case of Garbage Pail Kids, quite figuratively) trash. That does’t mean the film was a complete disaster; however, released close to the height of the toy’s popularity (instead of years laser, as the case of G.I. Joe), Masters of the Universe at least attempted to tell a good story. While the movie is wildly uneven, there’s moments of brilliance, driven largely by the strength of the main cast. Produced today, with more of a serious tone (or at least a consistent one), Masters of the Universe could perform better. It’s largely for this reason that this is one film franchise I wouldn’t mind rebooting. Shifting attitudes toward these types of movies means we might get a great He-Man movie yet.
tl;drs
Quick summary: While attempting to retake Castle Grayskull from the evil Skeletor , He-Man and his friends get stranded on Earth. Their only hope of returning to Eternia is to retrieve the Cosmic Key and avoid Skeletor’s forces.
Too many writers? One is a good number.
Recommended if you like: Sword-and-sorcery epics and cheese.
Better than I expected? Whomever plays Skeleton in the reboot will be hard to top Frank Langella, who nailed the role.
Worse than I hoped? Why couldn’t the whole movie have been set on Eternia? The 80s Earthlings are but one weak point in a movie filled with weak points.
Would it work better in a different medium? This is one reboot I’ll welcome, and it’s being penned by the author of Thor: Ragarnok. The Rock for He-Man, pretty please?
Verdict: It’s not unwatchable-terrible. Masters of the Universe was a good attempt at making a movie based on a toy franchise, and the principal cast makes the most of what they’re given.
Related Reading: Wiki article
