Cockneys vs. Zombies
Do you prefer your zombies fast or slow? It’s the nerdy debate equivalent of who you like more: The Beatles or the Rolling Stones. Both fast and slow zombies have their merits and both types of movies can be enjoyable. Would you rather watch a movie filled with a slow-shuffling horde? Or watch hapless humans get overrun by brainless speed racers?
I enjoy both, yet it’s been a while since I saw a good slow zombie movie. I feel that starting with 28 Days Later, the idea of the fast zombie became the prevalent one in Hollywood. Credit where it’s due: the idea that zombies can be fast breathed new life into the zombie genre. But sometimes I just want to see a more of slow-moving zombies shuffle their way toward a helpless victim.
Although it bares more than a passing resemblance to 2004’s Shaun of the Dead, 2012’s Cockneys vs. Zombies is different enough not to feel like a blatant rip off. Like Shaun, Cockneys concerns itself with ordinary Brits trying to survive a zombie outbreak. The characters’ motivations keep the movies from being too similar. In Cockneys, brothers Terry (Rasmus Hardiker) and Andy (Harry Treadaway) assemble a motley crew to rob a bank. They need money to save their grandfather’s (Alan Ford) old-age home from demolition. Everything that can go wrong during the robbery does, not the least of which is the zombie apocalypse. At the same time the brothers were planning the robbery, nearby construction workers open a sealed vault, which unleashes the zombie outbreak on the East End of London. It befalls the brothers to deal with their hostages and save the old folks from slow, gruesome deaths.
Cockneys made only $100,000 on its release, so its safe
to say the movie flew under a lot of people’s radars. But there’s a lot to like in this gem of a zombie comedy. For starters, Alan Ford chews every scene he’s in, to great effect. Between his character, the robbery plot, and the unconventional means some of the zombies are stopped, Cockneys feels like a cross between Shaun of the Dead and Snatch. The movie also defies a few Hollywood conventions, including focusing half the movie on the group stuck at the old folks’ home. Sometimes it seems like Hollywood believes the world is only populated by the young and pretty; like we’re living in a real-life Logan’s Run where everyone over the age of 35 is relegated to a few narrowly defined roles. Cockneys defies this trope, giving more roles (and all the good jokes) to the elderly pensioners. While the movie didn’t produce as many memorable lines as Shaun of the Dead, it’s still a worthy addition to the zombie comedy genre and a decent way to spend a Saturday night.
Cockneys vs Zombies is on US Netflix now.
tl;drs
Quick summary: Terry and Andy plan to rob a bank so they’ll have the cash to save their grandfather’s retirement home from foreclosure. Things go awry when a zombie outbreak forces the brothers to save more than the house.
Too many writers? Just two, who wrote off an original idea from the director.
Recommended if you like: Shaun of the Dead, Jaun of the Dead, Snatch
Fast or slow zombies? Slow zombies, which sets up more than a few punchlines.
Better than I expected? The focus on the old-age pensioners makes a nice break from Hollywood’s obsession with saving all the pretty people.
Worse than I hoped? I find it amusing whenever I have to turn the subtitles on for a film in English.
Would it work better in a different medium? Between all the movies, TV shows, and tabletop games about zombies, I’m content to see this as a one-off.
Verdict:
Related Reading: “Differences Between Surviving Fast and Slow Zombies” Zombiepedia
Related Viewing: Unconvinced? Check out the trailer.
