The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren edition)
Shake the dust off that laserdisc, pour a glass of beer in your Howard the Duck commemorative mug, and watch the body count stack up.
The year was 1989 and Marvel didn’t have any idea what they were doing in regards to comic-book movies. Given that the Marvel Cinematic Universe has become the second-most successful franchise in history, giving rise to so-called “megafranchises,” it’s easy to forget that the first Marvel film in the modern era was Howard the Duck. X-Men was so successful and Iron Man later broke the mold in terms of how Marvel did movies, so one can almost ignore the pre-2000 Marvel films, none of which scored better than 55 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. These days, of course, Marvel has finally figured out how to make its interconnected universe work on-screen, which has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, the Marvel comics themselves were heavily interwoven, with characters jumping teams and loyalties all the time. On the other hand, the demand that every Marvel movie going forward need fit into the MCU seems to leave no room for the one-off, fun movie. (One of the rumors circulating around Edgar Wright’s departure of the Ant-Man movie is that his version wouldn’t have fit in the MCU.)
Sadly, if Marvel ever ever tries for a third reboot of The Punisher, they’ll most likely try to shoehorn him into the MCU, which seems unnecessary. Marvel’s anti-hero Frank Castle always seemed more of a lone wolf; his few crossovers are appropriately with other lone wolves, like Ghost Rider, Batman, and (ahem) Archie. Castle doesn’t seem like the team player type. Moreover, I don’t want to see the Punisher in the MCU. I don’t need another reboot; I don’t need another origin story. The Punisher kills people without remorse. All I need from a Punisher movie is a high body count.
On this front, 1989’s The Punisher delivers and more. We’re told at the beginning of the movie that the Punisher has killed 125 people in the past five years, and he easily tops that number before the movie is over. While it doesn’t reach the levels of silly killing methods of a Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street, there are several inventive weapons, most notably the femme fatale’s earring daggers, which she uses to stab one of the mafia members through the hands in a gruesome stigmata. For the most part though, people jut shoot each other, with every type of automatic weapon available. While watching the movie I kept having to turn the volume down, lest my neighbors think my apartment was involved in a gang war.
Want the Punisher skull? Here you go.
Dolph Lundgren got the short shift when this was first released; due to New World having financial trouble the movie never got a US theatrical release, being sent direct to VHS and laserdisc instead. In hindsight, this was probably a good idea. At first glance, The Punisher looks like a second-rate Terminator and it would have looked awful next to the other big comic-book movie of 1989: Tim Burton’s Batman. Not only does The Punisher lack Burton’s vision, it alters many of the fundamental details of the character, such as the origins of Castle, or Castle’s outfit. (SPOLER ALERT: the famous skull logo is nowhere to be found. Not even as an Easter Egg. Don’t bother looking for it.)
Thankfully, this is a Way Too Late review, and 2014 me can look at this 1989 movie and examine it in the context of all the movies that have come after. Changed origin story? I don’t care, because the origin story doesn’t play a big part in the movie. The movie isn’t about the origin story, which I’ve come to appreciate more and more as every comic-book movie recently feels the need to kick off a franchise with an origin story. No skull T-shirt? I’m not that bothered; Castle’s skull-pommel throwing knives he scatters around the city like Batarangs are a sufficient nod to the comic. From its James Bond-esque opening sequence, The Punisher is nothing but the story of a man out for vengeance. That’s all it needs to be. I don’t need a tearjerking origin story, and I don’t need anything other than Lundgren’s five o’clock shadow and brooding demeanor to know that he is The Punisher. It works without needing to fit in the MCU.
tl;drs
Blank is a blanker version of blank: The Punisher is the gritty outcome of a movie studio not being able to afford a comic book budget, but still turning out something better than Fantastic Four.
Screen credits over/under: Under, although it was the first screenplay for writer Boaz Yakin, who *could* have taken a little more from the source material.
Recommended if you like: Hypermasculine 1980s movies like Red Dawn or Commando.
Worse than I hoped: The middle dragged a bit, but other than that it was as I expected it would be.
The Punisher would work better as a(n): You know what? Leave it. Marvel, you’ve tried to reboot this franchise twice and haven’t gotten anywhere. Let it go and get to work on my Gambit movie.
Verdict: The Punisher has none of the polish of the modern-day MCU, but there are times when a flawed, entertaining movie is all you want.
Related Reading: The Punisher (Thomas Jane edition)
