OMG I’VE NEVER SEEN TOYSTORY!!!111oneoneone
Some things can only be experienced in their time. Years later, after the zeitgeist for a particular phenomenon has passed, it often rings hollow, or even looks ridiculous. The Goonies, for example. The Goonies will ALWAYS be one of my favorite movies because I saw it in the theatre when I was a kid. When I watch it, it takes me back to that time and reignites the magic of childhood. When I show it to people who have never seen it, it mostly makes them realize how fucking idiotic I must have looked as a kid in the ‘80s.
A few weeks ago, I went on vacation to Disneyland. As we walked around Hollywood Studios, we passed by Planet Pizza. Someone in the group looked at it and said “The claaaaaawwww…..”, and everyone else cracked up. Everyone except me, that is. You see, I’d never seen any of the Toy Story movies. I said something like “What does that even mean?” After that everyone else decided there was something incorrect about an existence without Toy Story and that things must be made right with the universe. And so it was that I came to watch all three of the movies in the space of a few days.
The verdict is . . . they are pretty ok. I recognize that at the time, they must have been groundbreaking – both in terms of animation and adult level storytelling in a children’s movie. Somewhat ironically, that same success has created so many cultural derivatives by this point that the originals are watered down in the experience. If you hear a joke from Bob that Bob heard from Ted, when Ted tells it to you, it’s still an old joke. They definitely hold up as movies, but they didn’t latch onto my soul the way they seemed to for the people that saw them when they first hit the theatres.
The exception to this is Toy Story 3. In a mind-boggling departure from the Laws of Unplanned Sequels, the third in the trilogy is hands down the best of the three. It is a kid’s movie only in the most surface of ways – it is about animated toys. The rest of the movie is written entirely for people who saw the original Toy Story as an age appropriate kid, and then grew up. Lotso is a fantastic villain, even better than Kelcy Grammar’s turn as Stinky Pete. That bear is BITTER. His fate is also particularly horrific. And the incinerator scene. The INCINERATOR SCENE. Toy Story 3 is an unequivocally good movie, made better by watching its forerunners.
My big surprise in watching the trilogy was this: Woody is a total dick. I loosely remember the commercials for each of the films, and I recall that they left me with the impression that Woody was an unabashedly nice guy trying to deal with Buzz Lightyear’s ridiculous bravado. Nothing could be further from the truth. The plot of each of the movies revolves around Woody’s selfish decision making creating a crisis, and then his guilt over his douchery causing him to desperately try to save the day. Woody is a nice guy helping leader when his position isn’t challenged. He’s loyal to Andy when he thinks Andy will always choose him over the others. He’s ok with the other toys going to the attic for all eternity when he thinks Andy won’t possibly put HIM there. And as soon as it turns out that there’s nothing in it for him, it’s every toy for itself. Who is John Galt? Sheriff Woody. In fact, Buzz Lightyear is the only toy that isn’t a fair weather friend. He stays true to his ideals and values with the other toys alternately act like the Keystone Cops or the cast of Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery”. After watching this trilogy on top of Wreck-it Ralph, I’m starting to really wonder about Pixar’s moral compass.
They’ve obviously left the door wide open at the end of Toy Story 3 for another sequel, and the movies were good enough that I hope they make one. I’d like to see how they deal with a Lego Mindstorm set, or maybe throw in some old He-man figures. I would also like to see how the toys deal with a world in which they are increasingly devalued as electronics take over our entertainment at a younger age.
If you, like me, have somehow avoided what was apparently the “Where’s the Beef?” of the mid-90’s, go ahead and watch the movies. There’s a lot in them that’s worthwhile, in particular the three eyed cultists and the Etch-a-Sketch hangman joke. Just remember that Woody is a fucking dickhead. Buzz Lightyear – To Infinity and Beyond!
