The Guide to Nerd Gift Giving
Guess what time of year it is?
Today marks a hallowed and kind of horrible tradition – Black Friday. This day brings with it a minor form of PTSD for me thanks to too many years working retail. If you live in an area with a Fred Meyers grocery/department store, you’re probably familiar with “Freddie’s Famous Sock Sale.” That was me. That was my department. I would wake up at three in the morning to go display thousands of pairs of socks – and they didn’t let us have any of that free coffee. So I’m not a big fan of rushing to your local retailer and destroying the mental state of a poor retail worker. Also no longer a fan of socks.
What I AM fond of, however, is fantastic gift giving. Every year I try to outdo myself on excellent gifts and as tired as my friends and family may have gotten of my obsessive gift hunting, they don’t understand that GIVING can be as fun as getting when if you enjoy the feeling of finding that perfect fit for someone.
But oh man can that be hard and sometimes with nerds (especially if you love one but aren’t one) it can be even harder. So link this to you clueless mom, your confused brother or your hapless grandma and let’s look at some awesome potential gifts for the nerds in our lives.
Originally designed for use at a furry con, these soaps are a goddamn brilliant idea for the good of all mankind. Made in a variety of pleasing colors and scents, each soap is caffeinated. I’ve been told a shower with a bar of caffeinated soap gives you a caffeine buzz about equal to a cup of coffee and makes people like you more because you don’t smell like cheetos and social anxiety.
These are a clever and unique way to do some nerdy decorating without covering your home in assorted plushies and posters of half-naked anime girls (sidenote: this is my entire apartment). The artist currently has a small selection but from a respectable variety of sources.
While I’m not very familiar with Mouseguard, I’ve been really enjoying hearing about Jon’s game and its ongoing mousy hyjinks. Our fearless production maven Megan suggested I add the Mouseguard comics to this list, but reading Jon’s take on the game, I’ll amend this to the comics and the RPG book itself, because I think it’s an inventive take on the genre and, well, I want to see more people roleplaying mice.
If I’ve learned nothing from reddit, Cheezburger, 4chan and every other place on the internet, it’s that nerds love their motherfucking cats. Nerds also like remarkable hats. And thus, hats for cats. Personally I’m torn between the fedora and the crown. Classy cat or regal feline?
Do you know someone who wants the Batmobile? Very likely. Are you going to buy them the Batmobile? FUCK NO. Are you a multi-millionaire playboy with a revenge fetish and dead folks? Probably not! (But if you are, give me a call, I’ve got some interesting investment opportunities). Help your Batmobile-lusting friends out with this creative little decal kit.
Birds are weird. Their skulls are freaky looking – but in that very cool creepy but aesthetically pleasing way. Ooooor maybe that’s just me. These jewelry pieces are excellent for that person with the eccentric sense of style, the biology student in your life or for a recovering goth. Plus Shanalogic helps small artists get their work out in the main(ish)stream and actually make some money.
Cheap T-Shirts!
Holy fuck guys there are a lot of excellent websites to get cheap, nerdy t-shirts from now.
- Goodie Two Sleeves – renowned for drawing hilarious stuff on their boxes upon request. Also a very generous selection. A little on the pricey side, comparatively.
- Teefury – keep an eye on this site. They do one unique shirt design a day, chosen from submissions. Shirts are always $10 and the designs come from WILDLY varied but always awesome properties. They also do monthly grab bags of overstock designs: a dirt cheap $6 for a random shirt.
- Six Dollar Shirts – exactly what it says on the tin. Huge-tastic selection, hella cheap. They even do $3 random shirts.
Awesome Drinkware
Nerds have this weird fixation with beverages. If it’s coffee because we’ve stayed up until 3 AM trying to down that last boss, Mountain Dew because it’s got a night elf on the can or alcohol because we realize we’ve bought a can of Mountain Dew with a nelf on it, we’ve almost always got a drink nearby. So at least put it in something classy.
- Heat Changing Tetris Mug
- Megaman E Tank Mug
- Mustache Mug
- Game of Thrones House Sigil Cups/Mugs/Shot Glasses
- DIY Crazy Straws
Legend of the Five Rings 4th Edition
This book is completely and absolutely gorgeous. I have loved reading this book even though I’m not currently in a L5R game because of the lovely art and the really in-depth world building. If you can actually get a L5R game going, so much the better; it’s an engaging system with an immersive world. More recently released is the excellent Second City Boxed Set, a boxed campaign with pretty pretty accessories and tons of tools to GM what sounds like a very fun adventure. Buy this for your favorite GM, make them stop playing whatever lame system that isn’t L5R that they’re running and make them run this. You won’t regret it, even when your character is up to their neck in taint.
While a little unwieldy compared to a more convenient and less legal DS with a SD cartridge and a library of pirated games, the Supaboy is still a great gift and a really fun handheld. Thanks to its retro design, it feels almost exactly like playing SNES games on the actual console, while you play the carts from the actual console. Be prepared for some blowing out the carts and some delicious nostalgia.
And while I harbor no actual hope of these possibly ever being given as gifts, here’s two things that would make the life of any nerd to receive. Have hope, guys. It’s what the holidays are for. That and loot. Lots and lots of loot.
It was very difficult not to simply link the entirety of Thinkgeek for nerdy gift giving suggestions. However, there’s one item from Thinkgeek that I just couldn’t leave out. This is a full sized replica of the Iron Throne of the Ruler of Westeros. Can you imagine sitting this at the head of your dining room table? Your children would never try to sneak vegetables to the dog again.
We live in a world in which you can go to the website linked above and design your own custom mech. So pretty much we live in the future. This website is hilariously fun. If for some reason you have about a million bucks laying around…pick one of these up. Hell, pick up two. We’ll go play laser tag. IN MECHS.
Happy Thanksgiving from everybody at Dorkadia and good luck gift giving!
